Defining Modesty

Modesty is More than Dress, It's your Attitude!

When you hear the word “modesty” what do you think of? For a lot of women they think of being held responsible for men’s desires. They think of covering up themselves from head to toe, hiding their feminine forms.

But modesty, at least to me, is more than clothing, it’s a state of mind. A lot of people think that what we do with our bodies doesn’t matter, but to me, modesty means embracing your beautiful femininity without being flashy or gaudy.

I never liked modesty as a kid. To me it seemed like something that was forced on me to “prevent men from staring at me” as it was told to me at the church I happened to join.

But recently after returning to the Catholic Church, I’ve been exploring modesty once again. And after causing a tizzy on X for myself, I realized that quite a few people do not even know what modesty actually is, so, what really is “modesty”? 

Oxford dictionaries defines modesty as the following:

So, this isn’t just about clothes. It’s about being unassuming, and giving a “moderate estimate of one’s abilities.”

After I was attacked on the internet by a man who called me stupid, I pointed out to him that I didn’t think he was very modest. He called my take on swimwear “simplistic and low IQ.” 

But, modest people do not run around believing that because they genuinely disagree with someone, that means that the person’s point is automatically dumb. They “moderate”, and have a moderate estimation of their abilities.

A modest person also has “behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency”. So, for example, strutting around in a sexually appealing outfit to “go hang out at his place” with one of my guy friends while my husband is away, at least to me, is both behavior and dress that invites the appearance of impropriety. That doesn’t sound very “modest” does it?

But also, it’s not very “modest” to look down your nose at someone who decides of their own volition to dress differently than you do, or who does have a lot of guy friends that are perfectly respectful and decent relationships. Saying “Well I’m better than you because I’m covered up to my neck and down my legs and I would never dream of even speaking to another man” is not, again, very “modest”.

“Modest” according to Dictionary.com, defines modesty as being “free from vanity” “egotism” “boastfulness” and also free from “ostentation” and “showy extravagance.”

So, for example, when women tell me “I worked hard for my beach body and I want to show it off.” I could say that that is a form of vanity, boastfulness, and “showy extravagance.” I’m not saying people shouldn’t be proud of being healthy and getting healthier, but to dress with the expressed intent to show off could be considered immodest. 

Modesty in dress, just like anything else though, can be taken to extremes. I remember the sundress debate on X not too long ago, and a woman I admire posted pictures of the dresses that she wears, and I thought she embodied timeless elegance, class, as well as modesty.

With many women calling this sundress immodest, impure, and just overall not very good, and stating essentially “I could make a better dress than that” it was astounding to me how much arrogance was on display. The dress is pictured below:

But what a lot of these people don’t realize is by attacking other women, you are in and of yourself being egotistical and vain. My only comment about the Evie Sundress is that I wished it were slightly longer and the neckline just slightly higher, for me personally to feel comfortable in it. But, I could always pair the dress with a lacy camisole underneath, if I want more coverage. It’s a cute dress! And I like the white one.

Some common synonyms of “modest” include “humble” “moderate” “prudent” “simple” and “unassuming”. And frankly, I think society would benefit greatly from being more humble!

Modesty is a very personal journey for everyone, but at least for me, modesty is more than dress, it’s your attitude!

If you like this article follow me on X @audrawrongspeak and you can support me through:

https://buymeacoffee.com/audraf637